im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
