Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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