i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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