she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
