I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
