sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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