after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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