Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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