Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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