You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
