apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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