I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
