dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
