it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
