remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
