She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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