"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
