hotel room ftw
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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