a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
