I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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