she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
