Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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