I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just forgot I was standing up.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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