And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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