When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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