I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
