My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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