Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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