You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
