It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
