I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
