you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
