I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
