I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
