I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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