i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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