Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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