Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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