We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
