I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Pappa wants mamma naked
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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