Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
nutella sex= disaster
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
