Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
