I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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