What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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