Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize