i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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