Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
