I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
