If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
