I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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