I love black thongs
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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