you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
there is glitter all over my balls
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