dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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