Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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