Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
