Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
