just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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