Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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