Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
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