This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
