i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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