Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
