Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
