I need to stop coming to work sober
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
