i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
