I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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