U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
